Fun and Games
by Kaffeindz
Summary: It's been five years since Zim first invaded Earth, and he's no closer to conquering it. To make matters worse, Tak's returned to finish what she's started. Zim's luck goes south when he becomes the victim of multiple pranks. How could he ever hope to become a respected Invader at this rate? GAZR with some DATR. Rated M for future chapters' adult content.
1. Chapter I: Just another doom-filled day

**Disclaimer:** Invader Zim does not belong to me. It belongs to our Almighty Tallest Jhonen Vasquez.

 **Chapter I: Just Another Doom-Filled Day**

"It's done! I'm genius, GENIUS I TELL YOU!" A maniacal laugh erupted, echoing within the large facilities containing a vast array of alien technology. Zim rubbed his hands together as he cackled to himself, typical of a villainous character. "Today's the day, Gir. Nothing will stop me from conquering this miserable planet now!"

The green alien marveled at his own work before him, caught in his own daydream to rule the Earth, that he didn't care his SIR unit wasn't even paying attention to him. Gir bobbed his head side to side joyfully as he watched his favorite scary monkey show, oblivious to what was going on around him as usual. It wasn't until his master shut off the television that his attention was received, if only for a few seconds. The little robot squealed, hugging the strange looking contraption. "Yaaaaaay, it's a donut!" he announced, licking at its metallic exterior before being pulled off roughly by his master.

"No, Gir, it's not a donut. It's something much worse than that awful worm-baby food. Much, much worse," Zim grinned mischievously, zipper teeth bared. He tapped a button on his control panel to pull up a hologram visual of his ingenious plan. "You see, these stinky hyooman pigs rely heavily on their technology, particularly their communication devices called 'cell phones' that they are useless without." He air-quoted the term with his fingers before continuing. "As an Irken with superior technology myself, I can understand that we could not possibly survive without it. That's why, I've created this Megamagnet! With it, I can steal these cell phones away from the miserable worms, and they'll have no choice but to bow down to the might of Zim! Muwahahahaha!"

Watching as his master threw his arms in the air in triumph, Gir "oooh'd" before laughing uncontrollably and running about the lab. The robot eventually crashed into the wall before being sucked up a tunnel upside-down and into the kitchen from the trash can. Zim silenced momentarily to peer at his monitors in confusion as the robot donned his green dog suit and ran out of the house and down the street. Instead of giving chase, the alien waved his hand dismissively, used to the SIR unit's antics by this point. Wherever the little robot was going, he cared not to investigate. He's attempted many times to reprogram and repair that side of Gir for years, but came to admit that he'd rather have Gir like this than the uncontrolled mutinous robot that he had almost failed to detain years ago. That being said, the robot has been upgraded a bit in the past few years and has been able to perform some services without destroying the house anymore.

Zim rose from his seat in front of his desk, a rather pleased smirk plaguing his face once again as he stretched to his full height. By no means was he close enough to the Tallest's magnificent build, but he was content with his recent growth spurt over the past year. It came as a shock to both Purple and Red two years ago when they realized he had definitely grown past his initiate stage. When Zim had sent in the call to his Tallest, they were taken by surprise, Red spitting out his soda almost immediately and not caring that he had dropped the cup onto the ground below. How the defect had managed to grow without their realizing it was beyond them. It's not like it happened over night. Zim had stretched agonizingly slow for the most part, save for one spurt that did actually occur over night, in which he towered five inches more. He had the appearance of a decent invader at the height of 5' 7", surpassing Skoodge who was infamous for being one of the shortest Irken invaders besides Zim. While he considered this to be a feat in itself and worth of praise from his alien peers, he was reluctant to admit that his adversaries on Earth still had the upper hand, much to his chagrin. As he had grown, so had his nemesis Dib and the human's scary sister. Zim was still the shortest in his class, hindering his pride immensely, overcome by only an inch by Keef of all humans.

The alien clenched his fists in aggravation at the thought, breaking out of his thoughts only when he realized he had yet to contact the Almighty Tallest and tell them of his latest scheme. In fact, he hadn't sent them a call for the past two months on the count of his inability to formulate another plan, until now that is. His crimson orbs hovered over the call button for a few moments before he shook his head. No, he would wait until his plan succeeded before contacting them. Better yet, he would boast to them later with a crowd of mind-controlled pig stinks bowing behind him. Ooooh, what a wonderful feeling that would be. Zim couldn't wait to get started.

He pivoted back to his creation, taking note of the time on his monitor idly. It wouldn't be long before he'd need to go to skool. Five years now on Earth and he still couldn't believe he'd need to rely on the education system to retrieve useful information regarding the smelly humans. He had every thought to leave over the years, but found he was better off remaining in the false pretense to society as he was. Going to skool was simply just the better route to pursue, in his opinion. Zim's gaze scanned over the hulking monstrosity of his masterpiece, his gloved three-fingered hand raising to rub at his chin. The next step to carry out the plan was to keep it disguised so that no one would be suspicious, but how? He extended a clawed finger in the air as an idea struck him. Honestly, there was no end to his genius.

An hour had passed and he sat in his usual spot on the bus to skool, the vehicle's under carriage grinding agonizingly against the pavement that caused the other habitants to cover their ears from the sheer high-pitched noise. They were too distracted by the sound to pay any attention to the source of the cause, which related to the super magnet disguised as Zim's hat, twenty sizes too big for his head. Only Dib seemed to notice the abnormality of the situation, but that was typical and no one paid any heed to his spouting out about Zim's plot to take over the world, his words falling on literal deaf ears. The alien merely tapped his fingers together in his lap in false innocence, whistling to himself as if minding his own business, an appearance that was also the norm for the disguised alien. Despite the overbearing weight of Zim's evil creation, the bus pulled up to Hi Skool without problems.

The students streamed out of the bus, as if sludge pouring from the sewers, and into the facilities known as skool. They had all taken their seats in their respective classrooms when the teacher entered the room. Mrs. Bitters no longer held the duty of babysitting for the past two years, as Zim became aware. He was amused to hear that her job was limited to teaching those of younger age, much to her annoyance. After the students entered Hi Skool, they were appointed with a new teacher, a hulking brute with the alias of Mr. Smacky. Torque's uncle inherited all of the muscle mass of the rest of the Smacky lineage, giving him the appearance that he'd have been better off serving in the military or something instead of teaching a class. In fact, Mr. Smacky even had the commanding voice and authoritative air of a drill sergeant. No one dared question why he was here. There was one incident in which Dib tried to get their teacher to see that Zim was an alien, receiving a week's worth of detention and not a single answer as to whether Smacky believed his words or not. After a year, it became painfully clear to Dib that the answer was no. Mr. Smacky was just as oblivious as everyone else in the skool.

While Dib managed to avoid any more detention from the teacher, he and the rest of the class were not safe from any of his lectures or punishments when the class was disrupted. Disruption was unfortunately a norm and was hardly avoided, especially not on the count of the age-old clashing of the Membrane kid and green boy. Mr. Smacky slammed his fist down hard onto Zim's desk, making the disguised alien jolt out of habit. Zim's contact-covered eyes glanced up warily as he forced himself to remain looking innocent, his gaze immediately focused on the vein that bulged in the teacher's neck. "No hats allowed! Remove it at once!" A gloved hand instantly went to retrieving the heavy-weighted article of clothing and effortlessly deposited on the floor beside him with a thud. Smacky snorted like a bull before turning away to write on the chalkboard. Meanwhile, Dib was scrutinized the object from the other side of the room, trying to figure out what plot Zim was up to this time.

Even though they had changed classrooms and students over the past five years, their seating arrangement had not changed one bit. While some would complain about their own unchanging positions, Dib was perfectly happy. He was a comfortable distance away from his nemesis while at the same time remained able to keep an eye on his opponent for crucial moments like this. The large-headed teen shifted his attention momentarily to retrieve a journal from his backpack, scribbling away his recordings as per usual. He'd often be teased about writing in his diary, even from his own sister, but he didn't care. If he didn't record every bit of Zim's actions, he was sure to miss something and make a tactical mistake. Or at least, that's what Dib kept telling himself. To know thy enemy, that's what they say right?

After a couple of classes, he eventually got bored as Zim had yet to actually do anything. Dib didn't erase his suspicions, but he did ignore the disguised alien for the most part as he returned to focusing on taking notes. It wasn't until the lunch bell rang that he would be able to find out anyway. Like a herd of pigs, the students ran out of the classrooms with eagerness, some of them can be heard snorting like actual pigs. Even well within their teens now, they still acted as if wild animals, possibly even more so than their childhood selves. They made for the cafeteria with haste, though Zim still couldn't figure out what for. The cafeteria hadn't changed over the years. In fact, if anything, the food became progressively worse. Not that he cared, he couldn't eat it anyway. His diet during skool was either non-existent or existed only in the form of Snaks he had procured through ordering it across space and taking it with him. Many of the students mocked that he would get fat, but he had yet to attain weight whether it be in the form of fatty tissue or muscle mass. He was not skinny either, just the same lanky and green kid as always with the exception of his height change.

Lacking his usual Snaks today, Zim retrieved a food tray that he had no intention on touching. In fact, the only reason why he felt the need to get one was so that no one would think it strange. Lucky for him that no one paid attention either way, too focused in their own babble groups. Some had figured that he was on a strange diet of some sort but didn't put much thought into it any more than that. The alien set his tray before him as he took his usual seat, ignoring the plate of food altogether to tap away at the small screen displayed from his watch. Whirring and a cough can be heard from his hat, earning the attention of Dib who sat in his same old spot across the cafeteria.

"Did you see that Gaz? Huh, huh… huh? I just KNOW he's up to something again. I mean, come on, that's not normal! Don't you agree?" He practically screamed, hands flailing before him and gesturing to the disguised alien and his enormous, grotesque hat. The elder Membrane sibling bumped into her with his elbow by accident in the process of said flailing, earning a low growl from the gothic teen who was playing on her Gameslave as usual.

"How many times do I have to tell you not to interrupt me when I'm in the zone? Just shut up already," she hissed through clenched teeth, fingers smashing at the buttons as she narrowly avoided being hit by a flying vampire piggy. Had the Gameslave not been designed to endure more damage than a Nockia phone, it would have given under the teen's assault a long time ago. If he was in his right mind, he would leave her alone before being thrown into a world of nightmare. That is, if he had the right mind. But no. Instead, he kept on with his typical, annoying speech.

"Just look at the size of his hat. It's got to have something to do with his plot, I can feel it!" Dib paused for a moment to stuff his mouth with mashed potatoes before continuing once more, almost spitting said mashed potatoes out as he ranted. "I'm going to find out that creep's up to."

Gaz muttered under her breath, resisting the urge to roll her eyes only for the sake of keeping her attention on the screen. Whatever her brother planned on doing, she would not let him interrupt her gaming. She couldn't deny having noticed the hat herself. Who wouldn't? It's way too massive to miss. But she honestly didn't give a rat's ass about it. The same routine would play out with or without her acknowledgment. As if on cue, the antics of her stupid brother and his stupid friend began.

Zim initiated his plot, jumping up onto his table and cackling loudly. Most of the students stopped mid-conversation to watch the scenario unfold. "Haha, stupid, stinking hyoomans! Soon, you'll all bow down to the AMAZING ZIM! Witness!" he yelled, jabbing a gloved finger at a button on his watch's screen. Silence. Crickets chirped somewhere in the distance. Zim gritted his teeth, smashing at the button repeatedly. "Grrr, infernal thing. Work, will you? OBEY ZIM!" After a moment of grumbling to himself and pounding at the screen, a low hum finally began to emit from his hat. Electronic devices around the room floated into the air before accumulating onto his hat. The cafeteria fire alarm, someone's laptop, and specifically every cell phone in the room decorated the hideous accessory.

"Hey, my phone!" was the outcry produced from nearly every mouth. Zim laughed triumphantly, pointing at every single one of them with a mocking sneer.

"Not so powerful now without your communication devices now, are you scum? Now, succumb to Zim's will!" he clenched his fists before him, his usual way to attempt to strike fear into his subjects. Victory never felt sweeter for Zim. His triumph was cut short, however. Amongst the pile of devices attached to his disguised super electromagnet was an all-too-familiar Gameslave console. A piggy could be heard squealing before a Game Over appeared on screen. All heads immediately turned to the purple-haired teenager across the cafeteria. By the time Zim realized what was going on, it was too late.

In a flash, he found himself pinned against the table, his antennae quivering under his wig and sight dulled by the sudden pain that shot through his head and discombobulation he experienced. He didn't even realize the cafeteria clearing of all bodies with the exception of him, his nemesis, and the sibling of said nemesis who was attacking him like a wild Tonkar bull. The alien could see nothing but raw darkness before him that was being emitted by the angered female. He had barely heard her say, "I warned you," before being beaten into a pulp. Moments passed before Zim was able to get his bearings again.

He ran gloved hands over his own body to diagnose the damage done, silently relieved that she hadn't decided to end his life on the spot. That being said, his appearance was none too pretty as he was quite literally beaten into a pulp that resembled a glob of fried beans. His disguise set, which still only contained his wig and contacts, miraculously remained on his body, though just barely. The product of hours of work, however, lay behind him, wasted to nothing more than ash. All of the devices were still present where the magnet had existed, minus the Gameslave that was back in the hands of its rightful owner. Gaz stomped out of the cafeteria, restarting the game from the last save point with nothing short of annoyance. Dib followed behind but not without stopping to mock his enemy.

"Give it up, Zim! Resistance is futile!" He gloated as if being the victor, even though he hadn't really done anything. When he saw her again, he'd have to give his sister credit. After she had calmed down, that is.

"NEVER! Zim will never give it up! You haven't seen the last of ZIM!" screeched the alien in return. He wasn't going to admit defeat for as long as he lived. Zim was an Irken, the superior race. They knew nothing about defeat. He'd just have to work harder next time. As he stood up to dust off his pants and straighten his disheveled wig, they heard snickering coming from the cafeteria entrance. Both males diverted their attentions to the figure.

At the entrance was a female similar in age, though taller than either of them. Her medium-length indigo hair shifted as her head fell back in her fit of laughter. Catching her breath, she wiped an invisible tear from her eyes painted with eye-shadow before taunting in an all-too-familiar tone, "I always knew you were a failure, Zim, but this is just priceless. How is it you haven't forfeited everything yet? You really should give up."

Dib gaped wide-eyed at the appearance of the girl, mouth hanging open in shock. He was too dumbfounded to speak. On the other hand, Zim glowered at their audience, venom in his tone as he spoke her name. "Tak."

 **A/N:** Edited because I realized I made a mistake. It wasn't anything major, but it did bug me after re-reading. Instead of Zim's ears ringing, it's his antennae... and. Oh well, that's fixed lol


	2. Chapter II: Tak's Return

**A/N:** Let me first start off my saying, I'm so sorry about the long update and cliffhanger on the very first chapter. I didn't intend on this chapter being so long (hence the extended update), but I had no idea where to stop. So, I hope this helps satisfy everyone's cravings for more IZ fanfics. I will go ahead and let you all know that the next chapter might be a while too, because I'm deciding how exactly to start Tak's plot.

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own any rights to Invader Zim. All rights go to our lord and savior, Jhonen Vasquez.

 **Chapter II: Tak's Return**

Dib broke out of his stupor with a shake of his head. He still couldn't believe his eyes. At a loss for words, he spoke the first thing that came to his mind. "Tak, what are you doing here? I thought you got lost in space."

Tak let out a low growl at being reminded of that instance, but she decided to settle down and humor them for the sake of it. "When you've been maneuvering space for as long as we Irkens have, getting lost isn't easy. The past few years I've returned to Irk to attain a new cruiser so that I could return and finish what I've started. Did you forget I said that I'll be back, or did you not take me seriously? Oh yes, I'm dead serious," she said, glowering at Zim. "It's no thanks to you that I had to put off my plan for so long. Getting my hands on another cruiser was no easy matter. And don't even get any bright ideas to hijack my ship either, human scum."

Dib shifted his gaze to the side in an attempt to feign innocence, wary of whether she could actually read his mind or not. It was on his mind to hack into the cruiser's system and retrieve valuable and raw Irken information just as he had done with Zim's ship a couple years ago, but he wouldn't let her know that the thought passed his mind. "Whether" he'd be able to get his hands on the technology or not mattered more than the "when." He would have to tread carefully if that remained on his agenda.

Meanwhile, Zim blinked in confusion, absolute ignorance written all over his face. "Wait, it's been so long now that Zim's forgotten. What was it you've returned for?" he questioned in an all-serious tone, though the question itself couldn't be taken seriously. Tak glared at him in response, zipper teeth grinding away in annoyance. There's no way someone could be this stupid, right? But then again, it IS Zim. She really shouldn't be surprised. In some way, it annoyed her to see that he still hadn't taken over the Earth yet. It doesn't take that long for an invader to conquer a planet. Not that the Tallest minded one bit. The longer Zim was away from Irk, the better for them.

"I've come back to take this waste of a rock from you, Zim! You sabotaged my advancement as an Irken invader. I've only come to claim what rightfully should have been MY job, not YOURS Zim! You're an embarrassment to your own kind, your presence alone makes me want to terminate you where you stand. The only reason why I haven't yet is because I plan a fate much worse than you can even imagine. What I'm going to do you will make you wish you have been annihilated." The two Irken bore holes into each other until the skool bell interrupted their conversation. As Tak pivoted to leave the cafeteria, she jabbed a finger to her adversary in a challenge. "Consider today your final, peaceful day on earth."

After her departure, Zim spared a glance at his other nemesis. The two males simply shrugged at one another, both in mutual understanding that neither knew of what the female alien would do. Dib was wary of her, especially knowing of her true nature and physique, but his interest was certainly piqued. If she meant to torment Zim, then he would be happy to sit back and watch the show with popcorn in hand. It would only mean victory for him, even if Zim's fall wasn't by his hands. After Zim had given up, he would worry about Tak's intentions with Earth later.

Dib's brow furrowed when Zim gave him a dumbfounded look, breaking him away from his thoughts that he may or may not have spoken aloud. "What were you saying before all this? Something about spasming lemurs?"

"What? No! I said… Oh forget it. Nevermind." The elder Membrane sibling waved his hand nonchalantly, already exhausted. There was no use trying to argue with the stubborn alien who was obviously too moronic to care. In all honesty, he knew his words would be ignored anyway. Dib just enjoyed sounding like a comic book hero when the chance arisen. The two rivals forgot about their spat already, leaving the cafeteria to return to their classroom as well. Zim's demolished creation and everyone's phones still remained on the floor, completely disregarded.

Back in the classroom, Zim sat in silence, his mind wandering elsewhere, not at all focused on the lecture of exploding pigs. Been there, done that, you know? Instead, he was torn on whether to diabolically scheme or figure out what Tak would do. Seriously thinking hard on it, he couldn't even recall what he'd done to deserve such aggression from the other Irken. All he knew was that the Earth was his to conquer and not hers, and that was enough for Zim. Originally, he had begun to formulate a plan to unleash bees in the skool to keep Dib at bay, but now he had to scrap that to the side to prepare a defense or counterattack against Tak. So many things to do, so little time or motivation to do all at once. If only he could finish that cloning machine he'd once been determined on creating, but there were too many errors in the system. Curse the deficiency of Earth materials! Curse planet Scrap for not sending in the parts he required! Honestly, it's difficult being a mastermind sometimes.

What he didn't know what that the Tallest had specifically restricted nearly all trade from Scrap to Earth, especially now that they knew what Zim required the mechanical parts for. His ultimate goal was to create enough clones to make his own invader army. Conquering Earth would be a breeze. But, the last thing the Tallest needed was more Zims running about and causing destruction. No doubt, he would split up his clones and send some back to Irk. Just the thought made them shiver with fear.

Leaving that aside, Dib was also caught in his own thoughts, though effectively taking notes out of habit. He wasn't even aware of when he started to unconsciously copy notes from the blackboard. It's just something his hand does automatically to help aid his cognition. While he couldn't be happier to see Zim suffer at Tak's hands, he couldn't help but consider what this would mean for Earth. Things were much easier when he only had Zim to face, as the alien was too incompetent to actually doom the planet. Sure, he's come close a few times, like that time when he threatened to smash Earth with Mars, but most of his plans ultimately fail miserably.

On the other hand, Tak had all of the ability, and possibly experience, of destroying his home world. After taking its fate out of Zim's hands, who knows what she would do with it. Fill it with snacks? Wait, that didn't work. She'd probably fill it with corn! No, that's something Zim would think of, if he could even manage it. Dib balanced his pencil on his lip as he was deep in thought, his note-taking put off for now as the teacher babbled on. What would he do if he were an evil alien conquering a planet? There's always the possibility of destroying it, but that sounded a bit boring and cliché. The snack idea really wasn't all that bad, to be honest. Maybe she'd put mind-control helmets on all of the humans and make them clean toilets for all of eternity. Yeah, that sounds like something an alien subjugator would do. Whatever she had in store for his planet, he had to be prepared to defend it.

"Membrane! And uh… Zim! If you're not going to pay attention in class, then you're free to go to detention!" yelled their teacher. Both males were snapped out of their thoughts immediately, undoubtedly scared for their lives of what returning to detention would entail. It was a place of horrors if there ever was one, and no one should have to face it. They put off their planning for now, forcing themselves to pay attention as Mr. Smackey continued ranting on about evil Chihuahuas that would dominate their city. Fortunately, they were literally saved by the bell as classes were dismissed for the day.

Zim rushed through the horde of teens, bypassing his locker which he only ever used to store monitors for hidden cameras – it's best to keep a tab on your enemies in skool after all – and ignored those he nearly shoved to the ground in his escape. He paused briefly behind a pillar that supported the skool and whipped his head around to check if the area was clear. So far so good. No hide or hair of those who'd usually terrorize him, otherwise known as bullies, and especially not of that of the returned Irken Tak. In fact, with the exception of their meeting in the cafeteria, he hadn't seen her at all the whole day. Zim shrugged to himself before abandoning his shelter and walking home. Whatever she had planned, she obviously wasn't going to act upon it today. In which case, he'd have time to prepare when she did attack.

Dib caught up to his sister on the sidewalk, both siblings making their way back to their own home. Their dad had gotten them a car after Gaz earned her license, but they almost never used it when commuting to and from skool. Hi Skool wasn't that far away and it'd be a waste of gas. Only during times of crappy weather did they take the car. It sure beat the smelly and noisy skool bus they had been forced to use until entering Hi Skool. To be honest, Dib wasn't all too thrilled with waiting a full year after receiving his own license until he was given a car, but he did promise their dad after all. They were awarded extended curfew and a vehicle on that single condition, which the elder Membrane accepted with patience. Luckily, it didn't take Gaz long at all to earn her license. In fact, had it not been for the test date being delayed, neither of them would have waited the full year. Sure, it was still only one car, but one was better than none.

His sister actually proved to be a better driver than he, though he was reluctant to admit it. Years of gaming has paid off for her, apparently. Dib's only flaw came in the form of his fidgety nature if he thought he saw Bigfeets or something. Often, he would veer off to pull over, slamming on the breaks almost causing his passengers whiplash, and jump out of the car without warning, camera in hand. It was only by pure luck that he'd remember to park the car before doing so. Though that being the case, both of them were exceptional drivers and students, giving their father something to boast about every day while he was with his colleagues in the labs.

As Dib strolled up beside his sister, his arms resumed to flail around like they normally did. At first, he wasn't going to bother her given her rage earlier today, but she seemed to have calmed down now. So, there was no better time to bring up what was on his mind, though whether she would listen to him or not was up to pure chance. "GAZ! Gaz, you wouldn't believe it! Guess who showed up today!" he practically screeched.

"Tak's back," the younger Membrane sibling replied without missing a beat, her tone completely monotonous. She didn't even spare him a glance, too focused on finishing the last level she was on before Zim ruined her game. Had she not been in class for most of the day, she would have been able to catch up to that spot a long time ago.

Dib blinked at his sister, dumbfounded. His arms dropped to his sides slowly as he raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, how did you know?"

"She's in my class. I saw her ever since this morning," she shrugged in answer, as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Honestly, Gaz didn't care about the Irken's return, just like she didn't care about everything else that went on around her. If it didn't have anything to do with Bloaties, her Game Slave, or her dad, then she'd have nothing to do with it.

"Oh…" Dib's brow furrowed. If that was the case, why didn't Gaz tell him? I mean, something that important could involve the future of mankind. It's like she didn't even… oh wait. "Well, it seems she's back to exact some kind of revenge on Zim, but she's also Irken so we can't let our guards down. I'll have to figure out what she's going to do with Earth once she's finished with Zim. I can't let Earth down!"

"Yeah, yeah. Now, pipe down already. You can do your little heroic speech at home, when I'm not in the same space as you," Gaz grumbled in return, putting emphasis on the last statement. She tuned him out in case he decided to babble on. Even though he'd matured over the past few years, his mindset was still the same. Honestly, it was getting old to her. It got old a year after he announced to their father that he'd be a paranormal investigator. Seriously though, when was he going to decide on an actual career? Unfortunately to her, she was forced to humor him by listening to his crazy talk. Sibling bonding, or so their father called it. Gaz was not against disowning him as her brother.

Several blocks away, Zim was arriving at his own "home." He had just reached the walkway leading up to the false house when he heard crashing sounds come from within. His eyes widened, light indigo irises dilating, in alarm. Was there an intruder inside? Wrecking his equipment? Or worse, was it Tak destroying his base again? Ask questions later. The Irken stormed into the house only to come face to face with a squirrel flying in his general direction. His skin was scratched as the rodent scrambled to get away from a raving, screeching robot disguised as a green dog. Upon further inspection, he could see that there were a lot more where that one came from. So many more.

"Gir!" Zim half growled and half yelled at his minion who was chasing more squirrels about the living room. The robot laughed frantically as he did so until he heard his master's voice, pausing in his pursuit to wave at the Irken. Still annoyed, Zim did his best to calm himself, pinching at his forehead where the bridge of his nose would be if he had one. "Let's try this again. Gir, what have I said about gathering squirrels into the house?"

He waited with as much patience as he could manage as the robot stared blankly with his beady plush eyes. Gir tapped at his chin in thought before tearing up, issuing an involuntary grimace out of his master. "But master, I love the squirrels!" Zim shook his head with a sigh as he watched the rodents scurry out of his house while his minion was distracted. They obviously didn't have the same affection in return. Who would blame them?

"No more squirrels, Gir. I'll go get Mini Moose for you." Gir perked up at the response, already forgetting about the furry friends altogether. Zim had to admit, he had a soft spot for the odd creation of the moose. If there was anything that would calm his minion, it was that. He never regretted the decision to keep Mini Moose.

After he retrieved the sentient plush for Gir, Zim headed down to the secluded computer capsule. The layout of his base hadn't changed much over the years. Its skeletal structure in face remained exactly the same, though the travel chutes had to be readjusted to his growth and due to Gir destroying two by stuffing them full of taco meat. Zim shivered at the memory. He had been trapped in his lab until he was finally able to shovel his way out. Not without receiving burns from contact with the vile substance. Had it not been for Gir's infatuation with the food, he'd vow never to buy anything from the taco hut ever again.

The only changes made to his layer consisted of the renovations of another room he could seclude himself in. It was created as a false "bed room" originally, because "normal" people had bedrooms, but was mainly used for security fortifications. In the room, Zim stood watch over many of the camera screens that monitored his base and school. As for the cameras in school, he installed them to keep track of the patterns of his specimen and victims, not to mention that of his enemies if he wasn't present. In fact, he made a mental note to record what happened today to keep as future reference. Zim needed to know what went wrong with his invention. There were no flaws. He was too brilliant for there to be any flaws.

The Irken's fingers tapped over a few keys on screen, pulling up the communication tab and opening the link to the Armada. Without interruptions to get in his way, he sent the call in. In moments, the message popped up on the Armada's communication screen galaxies away. An invader symbol was splayed across the expansive panel with bold Irken symbols of an all-to-familiar name running below it. Several Irkens groaned in the cock pit of the flagship.

"My Tallest, we're getting another call from Zim," one soldier reported, saluting as he did so. He, among a few others, was tasked with answering and sending messages across the galaxies. It was only in moments like these that he was reluctant to do his job.

Purple and Red looked at each other, seriously contemplating whether to let the call go through to voice mail or not before deciding it would be better to just go ahead and get it over with. Who knows? Maybe Zim would relay another hilarious message. It's become a past-time for them now to record the video calls to laugh at later. They had once questioned their reasoning. Why bother? Zim was still an embarrassment to the Irkens. But there was just something amusing about seeing him fail countless times, even despite his invader-worthy growth.

"Sure, answer it," said Red. The two Tallest lounged on their sofa, a seat designed to fit two or more of the members commanding the ships, in this case of which were the Tallest. Every now and then, they'd stop at a planet and leave their second, third, and fourth in command of keeping an eye out on the fleet as they were docked, but it was a rare occasion to do so. Pulling out their snacks, they nodded to the video feed manager to hit the record button before the message was pulled up.

"My Tallest, it is I, Zim!" began the Irken in the usual manner, raising his fist and shaking it in the air as if he held any authority. It took every fiber of their being not to snort out in laughter at his intro.

"Yes, yes. We know, Zim. Now, what have you called us for this time? Another ingenious plan of yours again?" Red asked, nudging his partner who was trying to contain himself. Trying and failing.

"No," snapped the inferior Irken in response before he paused in thought. "Well, yes I had a plan today, but it's not about that this time. I've called to report that Tak's returned to Earth and threatened my mission. I regret to tell you that capturing the Earth may take more time than I had originally planned."

Purple nearly choked on his chips at the last statement. Since when were they concerned about his mission on Earth anyway? Here he was, five years passed his landing on the planet, and he still had yet to conquer even a restaurant on the miserable hunk of rock. Way more time passed than necessary, more than any invader has been known to take. Even if the concept of time differed in their region of outerspace, he was still more of a failure than any of the failed invaders they had before. The Tallest Purple was only saved from indignity when he had to consider Zim's message.

The two taller Irken shared questioning glances at each other before shrugging. "Which one's Tak again?" Red asked one of the helmsmen.

"Tak was here a few years ago to purchase a new voot cruiser and some equipment," replied the Irken. He was rewarded with blank gazes, as if his answer proved nothing to them. In fact, it probably didn't.

Zim interjected, "Tak threatened to sabotage my mission four and a half years ago as she tried to replace the Earth's magma with snacks." Though Zim relayed the memory with utmost venom, the two Tallest received the answer with joyful expressions.

"Ah yes, that's right!" Purple nodded. He and his partner agreed that Tak's plan was probably the best they've ever heard of in a long time. Their expressions turned solemn as they also remembered that Zim had completely ruined their chances of obtaining a snack-filled planet as a gift. Though, now that they knew she had returned, maybe that spelled good news for them once more.

"That's great, Zim," Red replied to the Irken, already bored of the call. There was nothing worth recording to entertain themselves later, so he decided to cut the message short. "Is there anything else you need to tell us? We're kind of busy. You know, destroying planets and stuff."

Just as Zim opened his mouth to say more, the Tallest discretely signaled for the communications drone to cut the call. The two superior Irken grinned at each other mischievously. Purple chuckled, "Maybe Tak will put an end to Zim for us. That'll be just what we need."

"I don't know about you, but I'm getting tired of these messages now. I think we have enough video feed to keep us entertained for millennia," Red agreed.


End file.
